**🔼 Up:** [[🆕 Posts|Posts]] --- Hi, hello! I'm sitting here at my PC at 9pm on the 28th and I'm pretty tired so I wasn't going to write any update for this month, but I figured they don't need to be long, and it might actually help me to recap and process a little bit. I'm starting to think it's going to be far better to do an update that discusses what I just wrote about in that month, rather than talk about what I want to write about next month. What I'm finding is that I can't reliably say what I'm going to write about for the following month because that changes for me literally on a day to day basis. I'm a pretty deep person who's favourite question to ask has always been "why", and so just when I think I want to write about a certain topic, I ask myself a billion of these "why" questions until I realise I need to go way deeper until I feel comfortable enough to actually write on that topic. One of the values I have with this site is that I really and truly want to have deeply integrated and embodied the understanding on the knowledge and ideas I write about. I don't want to be just going to the internet and typing in like "[[Object Relations]]" in Google and getting my information from sources in that way, because I don't know where those people have got their information from, and I don't know the quality of that information either. I personally prefer to go to the source that ideas come from because it's way more enjoyable when I can understand something for myself (granted some of these psychoanalytic theory sources can be kinda dry and difficult to understand sometimes). In terms of what I wrote about this month, it was pretty varied, yet somehow all interconnected. I brought back [[The Ultimate Guide to Solo MDMA Therapy]], which used to be on my old site, so that's nice. In terms of focus, I really wrote about a few fundamental themes, and those broadly speaking where: - Narcissism and family systems - Early development and developmental trauma - Some wisdom pieces that came to me while writing the other stuff I guess fundamentally what I'm really writing about is [[Separation Paradigm]] and the understanding and truths around how that leads to our pain and suffering. For fun, if I had to build a quick story using the Threads I wrote about this month, I would say: 1. People don't know that [[Narcissism is a healthy part of being human, not a flaw]]. 2. Many of us are so hurt by relationships that appear to involve a "narcissist", yet we don't recognise that [[Object Relations|Our early relationships shape how we see ourselves and others]] and [[Our sense of self unfolds intersubjectively, not separately]]. 1. As a side note, [[The mind can never know reality as it truly is]], which is also true for our [[Our sense of self unfolds intersubjectively, not separately|self-concept]], and so [[We can only know who and what we are through direct experience]]. 3. Due to failures in our early development [[Our caregivers don't need to be perfect, they just need to be good enough|holding environment]] where there's a lack of [[Our normal developmental needs are met through empathic attunement and mutual recognition|empathic attunement]], we develop a wound known as a [[Narcissistic Wounding]] which completely invalidates our personal subjectivity and right to exist in this world. 4. Because of that, [[Generational Trauma]] in relationships with people who hurt others and are often labelled as "narcissistic". 5. Those relationships are really built on [[Relational Power Dynamics|Relational Power Dynamics]] where one person (usually the more powerful, aggressive one) is subjugating the other in an unconscious attempt to have their own personal subjectivity validated (and subsequently to get their [[Developmental Needs|emotional needs]] met). 6. And so really, [[Narcissism exists on a spectrum, reflecting the development of our ego]]. I also started going into the ego development and ego splitting side of things which would have added more to the above. For example, [[We're born whole, but we split ourselves to preserve the connection with our caregivers]] begins to explain how the hurt of the [[Narcissistic Wounding]] shows up both internally and externally in our relationships with others. Because the one who tends to externalise in aggression and the one who tends to internalise in inner shame are tending to the same core wounds. Anyways, that was kinda fun. I might do more of that in the future :) See you next time. Keep well, and talk soon, Roc. --- **➡️ Next:** [[06. June 2025 — Wow]] **⬅️ Back:** [[04. January 2025 — Be Kind to Yourself]] ---