> **🌱 Planted:** Fri 24 January 2025 --- [[Our sense of self unfolds intersubjectively, not separately]], and we all have normal and healthy narcissistic psychological needs which need to be met in order for us to develop, have a healthy sense of self and feel like we have a right to exist in this world. In Self Psychology, Heinz Kohut coined the term "selfobjects" to describe the external people and relational experiences that support our emotional well-being. These relationships act as psychological mirrors which help us to maintain our self-esteem, regulate our emotions and develop a stable sense of identity. Kohut also introduced the concept of "selfobject needs", which refers to the fundamental emotional needs we require in our relationships to make this possible. Essentially, selfobjects and selfobject needs validate our personal subjectivity—our unique, personal experience of being alive, which essentially affirms our right to exist as separate and unique individuals. Our basic emotional and developmental needs (or "selfobject needs") are as follows: 1. **Mirroring** — The need for the important people in our lives to accurately reflect back our unique experiences, helping us to feel seen, heard, understood, loved and valued for the exact way we are. 2. **Idealising** — The need to look up to someone we see as strong, resilient and wise, helping us to feel supported, safe and secure. 3. **Twinship** — The need to feel a sense of connection, sameness and belonging with other human beings in our lives, helping us to know we are not alone in our experiences[^1]. Later on, other Self Psychologists expanded upon Kohut's work and added more: 4. **Efficacy** — The need to feel like we have a meaningful and positive impact on others and the world around us, helping us to feel acknowledged, worthy and appreciated. 5. **Validation** — The need to have our internal experiences and feelings acknowledged by others, helping us to trust and value our own experiences. 6. **Secure Attachment** — The need to have someone who provides both a sense of safety and the encouragement to explore and grow independently whilst having a secure base, helping us to build trust in relationships and resilience. 7. **Differentiation** — The need to feel supported in expressing and articulating your own individual thoughts, emotions and perceptions, helping us to have a healthy self-identity and maintain healthy boundaries[^2]. When these needs are consistently met in our [[✦ Early Development|early developmental years]], they create the foundation for self-confidence, emotional regulation, the ability to form healthy relationships, and a stable sense of self. When we have these needs met, we feel seen, heard, understood, loved and valued, and we feel as though it is okay to be who we are, exactly as we are. [[When our normal emotional needs go unmet, we are left deeply wounded|When these needs aren't met however, we become wounded]]. --- **➡️ Next:** - [[When our normal emotional needs go unmet, we are left deeply wounded]] - [[Narcissism is a healthy part of being human, not a flaw]] --- **\*️⃣️ Expand:** - Kohut's "selfobjects" are described by [[❍ Object Relations]]. [^1]: [[The Analysis of the Self by Heinz Kohut]] [^2]: The remaining selfobject needs came from my training in Aletheia. I'm not sure where they were sourced from otherwise.